Digging Into The Archives

Good Morning Friends, come on in with your coffee or tea and let's chat a few. It is a beautiful day in the Carolina's.  I have a lot of catching up to do today and over the weekend but I just wanted to take a moment and say Hello so Hey Yall!!!!!
Today I am digging some stuff out of my archives to post and hope you enjoy.

Leave comments if you want, they are always welcome and appreciated. Comments help let me know if you like the content I put up or you could drop comments on topics you would like to see more of. Comments are kind of like a report card and it pushes and stretches me to grow not only as a blogger but also as a writer.
Well here is what I have for today, just a little something to think about...Truth and Time

Time Tells The Story

It never fails it seems.

That if you wait patiently.

Time tells you all things.

Time never ceases to amaze me

That when you stand patiently and quietly

Truth will let it's self be known.

A teacher once told me

And later I found her words again

In the bible I was holding in my hand

Be sure your sins will find you out...

Then I found another treasure

There is nothing hidden that shall not be revealed.

Time is all it takes

to find out truths of people it makes.

So dot your I's and cross your t's

Live your life full of integrity.

for time will tell all.

Until next time, have a wonderful day and don't forget to add a little Randomness to your life :)

Impact of Divorce on Children and Their Relationships

 Come on in and lets talk over coffee: This is a paper I wrote for school about how divorce impacts the parental relationships of children. Please feel free to comment.

Abstract

  Ahrons (2007) states that “the parental subsystem continues to impact the binuclear family 20 years after marital disruption by exerting a strong influence on the quality of relationships within the family system”(p, 53).  During the 20 years after divorce, children often experience one or both parents remarrying, new family members such as stepfathers, stepmothers, possible half siblings, stepsiblings and of course begin their own intimate relationships.  With nuclear families on a continuous decline, and more single and binuclear families on the rise, what influence does the divorce have on the future relationships of the children?

                                      

Impact of Divorce on Children and Their Relationships

With the ever-increasing rate of divorce at one in every two marriages, one has to wonder what impact that the divorce has on a child’s relationships, from early age on into emerging adulthood. 

According to Ahrons (2007) “20 year longitudinal Binuclear Family Study”(p. 53), the impact of divorce on child’s relationship conclusively finds that the father and the child and or children (for the purpose of this paper the use of child will represent one child or many children) suffer the most, especially if the child does not cohabitate with the father.  However, the relationship with the mother and child became better than it was when the marriage was still intact.  Bulduc, Caron, and Logue (2007), also conclude that the father’s relationship with the child is the one that suffers the most.  They also reported that daughters display more empathy to their mothers after a divorce.

According to the research findings of Ahrons (2007), several factors determine the outcome on the relationship with the non-custodial parent, which includes the amount of time spent with the child, whether or not there is conflict between the parents of the child and whether the child is aligned with one or the other parent. 

Where there was a deteriorated relationship with the father whether it be because of a decline in visitation, alienation of the child to the non-custodial parent, or whatever the cause of deterioration, there were also a deterioration the relationship with the paternal grandparents, stepmother, stepsiblings.  Stepfather   relationships reported to be better than relationships with stepmothers.  Primarily because the stepfather lived in the home with the child therefore, they had more time to form a cohesive bond.

In the event of a divorce involving high conflict between the mother and the father, the non-custodial parent-child relationship deteriorated over time to almost or non-existence.

One reason is that the child felt that they had to choose between the two parents.  Their loyalty remained with the one with whom they cohabitated with.

Another factor involving high conflict between the mother and the father, the emotional climate surrounding the transitions between parental households also had an effect on the child.  If both parents provide positive behavior toward one another during and after the child’s transition from one home to the other the less stress the child feels.  Therefore, the child can feel comfortable transitioning from one parent's home to the other.  If the transition from one parent’s home to the other involves negative behavior between the parents and or parent, then the child is more likely to feel stress and over time can align with one parent more than the other.  The relationship with the child and the father worsened “due to mother’s anger with father over her view of his right to parent and the dissatisfaction with child support” (p.59).

Concerning this type of behavior from the angered parent, it can lead to what is termed PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome).  In a study conducted by Johnston, Walters, and Olesen (2005), Alienating behavior by an emotionally needy aligned parent offers the child warm involvement while the parent that is rejected pulls away.  The child loses his or her own sense of self, logical judgment, hence, becoming enmeshed with the aligned parent and creates a pathological alliance with the one parent against the other. When this happens the child refuses to go to visitation with the rejected parent making excuses that the other parent is boring or that they make them brush their teeth or any other excuse that is non plausible.  In severe cases, the child can even make up excuses that the other parent is abusive.  The alienating parent reinforces this behavior by siding with the child.  If the parents go to court, the courts will look for evidence confirming the allegations.  Without intervention, the damage from PAS is irreversible and the rejected parent-child relationship becomes nonexistent. 

In the study of Peris and Emery (2005) used the term “boundary dissolution to refer to a reversal in traditional parent-child roles whereby children come to provide care for or support to their parents” (p175-176).  When boundary dissolution happens the child who provides care for the needy parent forms inappropriate attachments that affect their relationships later on.

The Social Learning Theory and The Social Cognitive Theory provide comprehensive accounts of intergenerational transmission of divorce (Segrin, Taylor, and Altman, 2005).  The effects of parental modeled behavior become evident when the child has grown and forms their own ideas and attitudes toward marriage and relationships through observation of the parental model.  

  Another view that a child could develop, if a marriage is not working out then one has the right to divorce.  Therefore, the marriage is not permanent and divorce is probable.

In addition, a child from a high conflict divorce has a less probable chance of acquiring good communication skills and therefore, when the child is grown he or she does not have the skill to communicate effectively in their own relationships.  This becomes a problem when conflict arises in his or her own relationship and they do not have the appropriate skills to resolve conflict.  They are more at risk to succumb to divorce.

Christensen and Brooks (2001) state that, “Adolescents and adults who had lived for years with the aftermath of divorce  often interpreted disagreements as an intense experience that may lead to divorce” (p,290).  They observed that children from high conflict families do not possess good conflict management skills, appropriate behavior, and often behave in the same way they observed growing up, thus creating their own at-risk relationships.  Often children who come from a high conflict divorce have trust and intimacy issues as they become older due to a fear of rejection.

Adult children of high conflict of divorce are more apt to cohabitate than to marry and are more likely to have many sexual partners.  According to Christensen and Brooks (2001) likely causes of multiple sexual partners comes from filling emotional needs.  The shorter the distance between the divorces of the adult child's parents to the time of the child developing a relationship the needier they are emotionally.

Parents who have good relationships post divorce have a child who has better relationships with their parents, paternal and maternal grandparents, stepparents, and siblings.  “What children wanted most was not for their parents to be friends as much as they wanted them to be cordial and not badmouth each other” (Ahrons, p59).  Even after children of divorce had grown and had families of their own, they still wanted their parents to get along especially for the important milestones of their own children’s lives, such as birthdays, graduation, and weddings.

In addition, parents who had good relationships post divorce also reported more involvement with the father, thus the child developed a better relationship, or the relationship prior to the divorce remained the same.

Adult children whose parents maintained good relationships post-divorce also had better communication skills and were better able to deal with trust issue’s and intimacy issues.  This relates back to the Social Cognitive Theory in that what the child had been modeled in this case, good communication, and appropriate behavior between the divorced parents the child had through observation learned the necessary skills to be able to handle conflict in his or her own relationship.  Therefore building a sense of trust and deeper intimacy between the child of divorce and the person in whom they had built a relationship.

Conclusion

Findings in this research of the impact of divorce on children and their relationships conclude that children whose parents have high conflict are at most risk for a deterioration of relationship with the non-custodial father.  They are less apt to have relationships with the paternal grandparents, stepmother, half siblings, and stepsiblings.  They are also at great risk of establishing trusting and intimate relationships, as they grow older and tend to have many sexual relationships to satisfy emotional needs.  They tend to view marriage as something off limits and if they do get married, they view divorce as an alternative if they see that the marriage is not going to work out. Most children of divorce are likely to divorce themselves.  In addition, in extreme cases of high conflict between parents, the children of divorce have higher risk of exposure to PAS, boundary dissolution, and poor social cognition.

Otherwise, children of divorce whose parents maintain a cordial relationship have better relationship with the non-custodial parent, grandparents, stepmother, and siblings.  The outcome for their own intimate relationship is better and the parental relationship after they have their own family is healthier. 

The writer of this paper would like to conclude with the thought of intergenerational divorce.  The bible states Num 14:18  The Lord is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation (King James Version).  Divorce affects a child’s relationships through four generations (Ahrons 2007).

References

Peris, Tara S. and Emery, Robert E. (2005) Redefining the parent-child relationship following    divorce, Journal of Emotional Abuse,5,4,169-189, doi:10.1300/J135v05n04_01

Ahrons, Constance R. PHD.  (2007) Family ties after divorce: Long-term implications for children, Family Process, 46, 1, 53-65, doi:1111/J.545-5300.2006.00191.x

Johnston, Janet R., Walters, Marjorie G. and Olesen, Nancy W. (2005) Is it alienating parenting, role reversal or child abuse?  A study of children’s rejection of a parent in child custody disputes.  Journal of Emotional Abuse, 5, 4, 191-218 doi:  10.1300/J135v05n04_02

Segrin, Chris, Taylor, Melissa E., and Alman Julie, (2005) Social cognitive mediators and relational outcomes associated with parental divorce.  Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 22, 361-377, doi: 10.1177/0265407505052441

Christensen, Teresa M. and Brooks, Morgan C. (2001) Adult children of divorce and intimate relationships: A review of the literature.  The Family Journal, 9, 289-294, doi: 10.1177/1066480701093008

(1986) The Holy Bible, King James Version, USA, Worldwide Publishers, Inc.

Remember until next time, add a little Randomness to your day :)

Symbolism in "The Glass Menagerie

Symbolism in "The Glass Menagerie

About the Street Called Straight

When the plot of  Street Called Straight was born, I was doing an analysis on the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost and I was thinking about the verse straight is the way and narrow is the gate, and  I am the way,the truth and the life.  I was also thinking about man's plight and the ailments that affect our society, culture, our world. I was thinking of the burden of caring for those who have lost their way, how to show them love and compassion and gently lead them to a better way. Also, how we have a path set before us to choose which way we would go. As I was thinking of these things, the characters came to life in my mind and the plot of the story was born. There are many different highways or streets we choose and  the consequences that the choices bring to our lives can be detrimental. Yet, if we choose the Straight Street, what a profound difference. This is the place that the characters find, grace, healing, love, acceptance, forgiveness, mercy, salvation, and so much more. Street Called Straight is a work in progress and I can't wait until the day that it has matured and is complete so that I may be able to share it with you all. 

My time is up for now, until next time, Add a little Randomness to your life:)

Street Called Straight

This is an sample of a book I have in progress.

Edmond placed the last of the boxes into the moving van. Shutting the door, he hurried with excitement to the driver’s side of the van, opened the door, and climbed in. Turning the key in the ignition the motor whirled to life. Edmond shifted the gear into drive and off he was on his new journey to a little town called Hope.

While driving along the highway, he was thinking about the job he was leaving as a Social Case Worker. He was already missing the people he was leaving behind and yet he was excited about his new adventure. He had been on this job for over ten years and lately was feeling very burned out. He used to dream of helping the needs of the people in the community who were down on their luck and just needed someone to give them hope and help them get their feet back on the ground. However, over the last several years he was drowning in a sea of paperwork and red tape, which he never got to accomplish the dreams and goals that he had set out to accomplish when he graduated college and took this job as a social caseworker.

Edmond was a tall man with the build of an ex football player. He had red curly hair, eyes that were as blue as the sky. If you looked in them long enough it would seem that they would tell a story of long ago. Edmond had been born and raised in Chancellor. He always had a heart for the people of the town he grew up in. He graduated at the University of Chancellor with a degree in Psychology and Professional Counseling.

He landed his first job as a clinical caseworker down at the local social service office.

His friend Adam had moved to Hope many years ago to pursue a career in advertising. Adam had called him about a month ago and asked him if he would be interested in coming to hope and heading up the Ray of Light Foundation.

The Ray of Light Foundation was a newly organized Foundation chartered by a few of Hopes residences that had overcame the hardships of the hood, went on to colleges and earned their degrees and come back to give a ray of light back to the town of Hope.

After visiting with his friend Adam for a week and spending some of that time with the Ray of Light Foundation, Edmond decided that it was time for a career change and took the job offer.

He had some great ideas for getting the foundation organized. He was glad that he was given the opportunity. It was the opportunity that he has always longed for. In some way, it seemed impossible that his dream was closer to becoming reality. Fear and doubt tried to creep its way into his consciousness and wreak havoc with his confidence, but it did not take long to dismiss those thoughts with thoughts of great feats he could accomplish not only within the community but also within himself.

Edmond had been on the road for quiet sometime when he finally saw this sign that signaled Hope to be the next exit one mile ahead. His heart started to speed up as he pulled of the exit entering the town of Hope. Suddenly the silence was split with the sound of his cell phone ringing.

“Hello, this is Ed” he said answering the phone.

“Ed, this is Adam. Just thought I would call and see where you are at.”

“I just pulled off the exit ramp into Hope. I should be at your place in about fifteen minutes. Hope you have some good ole sweet tea waiting for me.”

“You bet” said Adam. “See you in a few”

As Edmond was hanging up the phone, he was thinking about Adams wife Jessica and what a great glass of homemade ice tea she made. He couldn’t wait to see his friends.

Adam met Jessica in the summer before their senior year in high school. It was love at first sight. You could not separate the two of them. Adam was a lanky young man with a dark complexion, dark hair and dark eyes that were enhanced by the no rim glasses that he wore. He and Edmond had been neighbors and the best of friends since they were in kindergarten. Adam was the head of the journalism club and also chess club. He had the brains of a genius and you always found his nose stuck in a book or in the middle of a chess game that was until Jessica come to town.

Jessica was the complete opposite of Adam. She was of a small stature, pale skin, blonde hair and eyes as green as an emerald. She was a very quiet girl, but once you got to know her you could see how intelligent she was and had a compassion for people that was unheard of. She volunteered her time at the New Light Harvest shelter for troubled youth. Then she met Adam and none of us could believe that she was able to get him to volunteer some of his time at the shelter also. After graduation, they both applied to the same university. Completing grad school they both moved to Hope where Adam accepted the current job he now has in a big advertising agency. Jessica took a mentor position at the Ray of Hope Foundation, which is where the idea to contact me came to be.

Edmond spotted Adams house immediately as he was turning onto Way Road. Adam and Jessica live in the second house on the right. Pulling into the driveway Edmond was welcomed by immaculate flowerbeds that were full of budding flowers of every color that you could think of. As he stepped out of his car, he was greeted with the smell of mimosa and honeysuckle. He stood there for a moment, took in a deep deep breath, and simply took in his surroundings for a moment. After all this would be his new home until he would be able to get a place of his own, until then Edmond would be staying in the garage apartment. Suddenly his thoughts were distracted by the sound of a door slamming and two familiar faces running towards him.

“Edmond, you are finally here. It is so good to see you. You have to come in and tell us all about your trip and I have that glass of ice tea waiting for you out on the covered porch”. Jessica was saying as she gave him a big hug. “Adam, grab Edmonds things and help him get them up to his place then you two hurry inside. We all have so much catching up to do”. Jessica scurried off and disappeared behind the door.

“Well, Ed come on and let’s get this stuff upstairs before the Ms. comes back and gives us the what for.” Adam said while shaking Edmonds hand then grabbing some bags out of the back of the van.

Christian Perspective of Integrating the Shadow

Christian Perspective of Integrating the Shadow: By Beverly Rhom

Abstract

            Throughout the ages, Christianity has positioned itself on putting to death the flesh or as Carl Jung states is the archetype of the shadow.  The purpose of this paper is to summarize the Christians need for integrating the shadow with oneself instead of ignoring it.

Christian Perspective of Integrating the Shadow

            Since the beginning of Christianity, man has tried to put away the darker side of his personality.  Jung argued that you could not ignore what is part of human nature without consequences.  To do so would inevitable cause one to project the darker side of man’s human nature outwardly towards others.  In addition, Jung believed that not only did the archetype he called the shadow have negative connotations it also had very positive ones such as “normal instincts, appropriate reactions, realistic insights, and creative impulses” (Bingaman, 2001, p. 169).

According to Bingaman (2001) “ Jung feared that Christianity’s aim was to keep the shadow side of human existence at arm’s length hopelessly relegated to the periphery of religious faith”(pg. 168).  In so doing the shadow would only become more dense and man would only project his darkside onto others or blaming their actions on the devil for example “Salem Witch Trials. It is see down through history how man has projected his darkside as in the Nazi trying to irracicate the jews to purify the human race, or in modern day society the war on immigration.

Christians try to immitate the life of Jesus Christ and ignore the shadow side of existence or leave it in the hand of God to do away with. What happens then when time after time that shadow side of existance comes forth and is projected onto others?  Bingaman states that we should intergrate the shadow part that is in us. In other words, to get to know the shadow side of ourselves and to accept it not to pretend that it is not there. It is only when we are consciencly aware of a darker side of our being can we come to terms with how we act or react to different people or things and if we have intamate knowledge of our inate being then we can integrate and become unified with in ourselves and migrate towards being a whole and complete person. Also if we acknowledge that we have a shadow side within our being then when that side comes to the forefront we have the choice as free moral agents to either act on it or take another action.

            Bingaman states “where there is no energic tension, no clash of the opposites-good and evil, mind and body, spiritual and material-there is no creativity, no imagination, no life (pg. 178)”.  Where there is no opposites there is no tention, where there is no tention one becomes stagnant like a pond that has no current. Stagnation produces death metaphorically speaking for the essence of life is gone.

            The conclusion is that Christians have to change their way of how they think theologically about their shadow side. You can not do away with what you have been born with biologically with out consequences. To be a whole and complete person is to acknowledge, accept and embrace the opposing forces that dwell within ones being. If not humanity will still continue on in it’s destructive path.

References

Bingaman, K. A. (2001). Christianity and the Shadow Side of Human Experience. Pastoral Psychology , 49 (3), 167-179.